Things I don't understand #3

One thing you should know about me is that 'Strangers think I'm quiet My friends think I'm out-going My best friends think I'm completely insane' kind of applies to me. But it kind of isn't too, because I'm not out-going. I'd much rather curl up in a hole and read my head off. I only talk like the wind when it comes to books. And well, things that interest me. Other than that, my voice goes to hibernation. I'm lying; I actually spend time talking to myself too.

Back to the point, I basically don't talk much. People whom I interact, including my parents, always say I'm bad at socializing. It's not that I'm bad at it, I just can't be bothered. Fine, whenever I'm introduced to someone whom I've never met, I'm naturally wary of whomever. But other than that, it is all 'nice to meet you, you're pretty nice but I just want to wither away to death doing my own things so bye-bye'.

I'm not shy. Every time the teacher talks about people who are shy, heads turn... to me. I'M NOT SHY, PEOPLE, GET A GRIP. Shy is when a person is timid, afraid. I AM NOT. In fact, my first reaction to the asshole-wannabes is to snipe back at them, challenge them. Shy people don't. Hey, you've gotta do that sometimes if you wanna live your life as a wallflower.

I love living in my own bookish/imaginary world, is there anything wrong? So just back off and leave me alone. It doesn't bother me if you call me quiet, but it does if you call me anti-social. I am not. I socialize but I just want to have some alone time where nobody would budge into my space.

So what exactly I don't understand? When people call me anti-social. Why, just why? It isn't that I hate socializing, it's just that I'd much rather do my own stuff. Also, I suck at long conversations. Either, I'd ask too little questions or whenever people talk to me, I zonk out to my own dreamland and thus, not having any comments which results in awkward silence. It's much comfortable with only silence sometimes.
For more than I like, I'm questioned why I don't come out of my room for gatherings or whatever-nots. Firstly, I do come out, but Karma has to catch me in my room, of course. So whenever I'm caught in my room, I get pulled out for a lecture. Typical things. I shouldn't be in the room. Go out and talk. At least just sit outside.

Whoa, there. Listen. I do those things, but the reason I go to my room because I can't stand being around too many people for long. 6 people, tops. More than that, my brain goes berserk. I have to be alone.

Once, in the middle of watching a game, I simply ran off from the sea of people to shut myself in one of the toilet stalls. I breathed in and out, in and out, my brain reeling and giddy. Because all I could think of was too many people, I need to get out now. I stayed in there for quite a while and then when I opened the door to the stadium again, I fled back to the stall again. Reason? The sheer number of humans which thus creates a claustrophobic feeling for me. I'm not claustrophobic; I don't feel that in tiny areas, I only feel that with too much people around.

So if I retreat to my room, don't judge me. I'm not a stoic bastard who thinks too highly of herself to interact with lowly peasants. No. Just no, okay?